The Nagging Epidemic

This is probably going to be one of those posts you wish I didn't write. Because it deals so heavily with our culture and the way marriage is presented in our society. It's one of those topics where I personally struggle. But being able to share this with other wives is the whole reason I'm writing this. My prayer is that this will strengthen your marriage.

I am not writing from a place of condemnation or judgment because I struggle with nagging my husband probably more often than I'd like to admit. Thankfully, I learned a very important lesson in my first year of marriage: my marriage is far more important than winning any argument. A peaceful home is better than being right.

This is going to be tough post to get through because it will challenge you in your wife role to hold your tongue when our culture says, "Tell it like it is." And it may even challenge you to change who you are at your core.

Listen, I know that not every wife nags. But I spend enough time around secular and church wives to know that this truly is an epidemic in our society. And it's not just out in the world. It's in our churches, too.

The definition of nag:

1. to annoy by persistent faultfinding, complaints, or demands; 2. to find fault or complain in an irritating, wearisome, or relentless manner

It's a pretty straightforward definition. Simply put: a nagging wife is one who relentlessly complains, demands and irritates. Woah! Talk about wake-up call! I don't know about you, but she is not the type of woman I want to be. In fact, she is the furthest thing from the wife I long to be.

I have witnessed the nagging wife and I have also been the nagging wife. She is easy to spot in a crowd. Her stiff body language and demanding tone are a sure sign that she's in her full force nagging mode. And, my dear wife friends, this woman a great embarrassment to her husband and family.

The truth is, I feel for her. I feel for the woman who wakes up early to start the day and still can't seem to get everything done that she needs to. I feel for the woman who spends her days working a full-time job and then comes home to her other full-time job: wife and motherhood. I feel for the woman who can't seem to get ahead of her laundry. I feel for the woman who sits by herself for a few moments and wonders what the point of all this is.

Because I am that woman. And my natural instinct is to nag my husband for help. I can't tell you how many times I have stood before him in tears and yelled, "HELP ME!"

I drown beneath the weight of my responsibilities so often. Let me type that again: I drown beneath the weight of my responsibilities. And I know you do, too.

I am married to a Command Man. If you're familiar with Debi Pearl's Created To Be A Helpmeet, then you know I married a man who refuses to take out the trash. It's who he is at his core and I can't change it, though I spent many months trying to in the earlier days of our marriage. I'm not the wife of a Mr. Steady who doesn't place a whole lot of responsibilities on his wife (honestly, I'm so jealous of you Mr. Steady wives!). Instead, I'm married to a man who is--and I mean this in the nicest way possible--extremely demanding of my time. So often I joke that I am my husband's personal assistant. But that is how he views me. And Biblically speaking, as a helpmeet, that's exactly what my job is. To assist him though this life with whatever he needs. But when that interferes with my ministry and my job outside the home, our home can quickly become a horrible place to be standing in. Because as the heart of my home, if I am troubled or stressed, then the balance of peace is gone. And my husband will end up listening to a nagging, ungrateful wife who doesn't have it all together.

Here's the thing: I pray endlessly that I'm a Proverbs 31 woman for my husband. And the more I pray about this woman I long to be, the more God helps shape my prayers. Instead of praying that I'm a good wife, I pray that I'm a wise wife who's eyes are always open to her faults, who loves with no bounds, and who encourages other wives to live out this Proverbs 31 truth.

But it's hard to be like this woman who is so highly regarded throughout Christian circles. Oftentimes, I'm not even close to measuring up. But I thank God that He opens my eyes and helps me see my faults.

If you turn on the T.V., you will most likely find a nagging wife gracing the screen. That's what our society says wives are. And they aren't wrong. We do nag. We do complain and we do demand. But we can change.

If you find yourself sucked into this nagging epidemic like I find myself so often, then maybe it's time to stop complaining and start thanking.

Laundry. Dishes. Paying bills. Errands. Carpool. The list is endless. But this list is the reminder that our homes are full of people we love with no bounds. These are some good days, my wife friends. Let's focus on this and not on how big our piles of laundry are.

Your Wife-Friend In Christ,
Jessica