"Anything worthwhile is hard work." And marriage is no exception to that rule.
If our country's current divorce rate--50%--is any indication of our nation's view on marriage, it's that hard work is too hard.
It also indicates that a lot of marriages fail that don't have to. Naturally, there are extraordinary cases where it's the only option. But I'm not talking about those; I'm talking about the marriages that don't have to end.
I firmly believe that the majority of marriages end due to a lack of knowledge. That knowledge? Marriage is hard work and it can't survive without Jesus.
We live in a culture that twists lust into love and encourages adultery, lying and stealing. If you don't believe me, turn on the T.V. Take a look around your neighborhood. Talk to your coworkers. Pick up a best-selling novel. The point is: our culture is trying to destroy perfectly good marriages over the idea that they're imperfect.
So, what does this mean for you? It means that you are going to have to spend every waking moment of married life fighting for your marriage. That makes marriage sound impossible, doesn't it? It also makes it sound like I'm attempting to talk you out of marriage. That's not what I'm intending here.
Here's what I'm trying to do: I'm trying to prepare you for your wife role. I'm trying to give you all of the information up front so you're not shocked when your marriage goes through rough patches. I'm trying to arm you with every weapon you'll ever need to fight against the forces that will no doubt try to destroy your union. Because they will come. And you can't fight for something you're not prepared for.
At times, you'll be battling external forces. The loss of a job. Illness. Family members that are determined to keep you apart. Friends that don't want to share you with someone else. Mentors and advisers that give you advice from the flesh--not from the Word. Acquaintances that will attempt to tarnish your name and reputation. Strangers that will bad mouth marriage, speak negativity over you and attempt to harm you. There are numerous external forces and they will catch you at your weakest moments.
Then, there are internal forces. Your husband will have a rough day at work and he'll come home in a terrible mood. You'll be physically and emotionally exhausted from time-to-time because keeping a house, running errands, working and church activities will wear you out. You'll snap at him. Maybe you'll nag him to help you take out the trash. Whatever the internal forces are, they'll be a result of both of you being human and imperfect. In my experience, these forces are worse than external forces. Because you can stand strong by each other to take on the world; you may not be holding hands as you battle it out over who gets to do the dishes.
Marriage is hard work, but if you understand that now--if you prepare yourself for the hard parts of this God-ordained union--then you will enjoy the good and easy moments to their fullest. Marriage can be hard work, but it can also be fun and satisfying. The amount of work you're willing to put into your marriage will determine your success. The most successful marriages I know have worked through the darkest moments only to reach the other side stronger and better than ever.
So, how do you prepare for the hard work ahead:
1. Get in the habit of praying for your husband now.
That's right, right now! Don't wait until you're married, start praying for his relationship with God, spiritual leadership, health, humility, virtue, responsibilities, prayer life, obedience, patience, and desire to protect your future marriage. Make a point to pray for him whenever he crosses your mind. When you get married, you'll already be in the habit of praying for him. And he will need your prayers every single day.
2. Read your Bible.
I love reading about Ruth and Esther. After one read through, I spend several days studying out each woman--OFTEN. I study how they respond to authority figures, their husbands, and God. I study how they conduct themselves in the presence of others. I study the words they use to speak. I study them until I have learned something new about each lady. These days, I know their stories backwards and forwards, but I didn't always. I wasn't prepared for my wife role when I got married. These stories were just stories to me. Now, they're tools I use to help myself understand this wife role better. God put these ladies' stories in the Bible for you and me. Read them. Study them. Get to know them. They are wonderful examples of Godly wives.
3. Don't get wrapped up in the world.
The world is full of interesting people who will cross your path. They'll try convince you that you're too young to get married. They'll tell you that you 'have to take the car for a test ride before you buy it.' And the world will try to sell you on the idea that if you're ever unhappy in your marriage, you can always end it. Don't listen to the world. Don't get caught up in the lies. When you let in the world's view, you'll set yourself up for failure. Focus instead on what God says about marriage.
"...a man will eave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)
"A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." (Proverbs 12:4)
"Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." (Colossians 3:18-19)
The best way to prepare for marriage is to pray it about often. God loves when his children come to him seeking wisdom. He freely gives it once asked. Ask for his wisdom concerning your future wife role. Ask him to help you prepare for the hard work that lies ahead. And ask him to protect your marriage at all times.
Your Wife-Friend In Christ,
Jessica
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