The In-Laws

When I started this series, I knew my posts would eventually lead me here. And I dreaded it. Because I don't feel that I'm really qualified to talk about this subject. But when God is leading you to do something, it's best to ask for guidance and wisdom and let Him do the rest.

Before I begin, I think it's important that you understand this post is not about bashing your husband's family. In fact, it's quite the opposite. If you're looking for a post telling you that you have every right to not show up for family holidays or invite your in-laws over for dinner, this isn't it.

This will be a post that:
1. Encourages you to love your in-laws wholeheartedly
2. Encourages you to treat your in-laws well
3. Encourages you to encourage your husband to do 1 & 2

My husband and I spent the 18 months we dated/courted 1,500 miles apart. We rarely saw each other. Simply put: I didn't know my in-laws when I traveled 1,500 miles to Oklahoma (with my husband, Mom and cat) and moved into their home for the first 2 weeks we lived here.

Looking back, I'm grateful that my in-laws were so gracious. They allowed my mother--who they had met only twice--to live with them as well. If that's not sacrificial love for their son, I honestly can't tell you what is.

Naturally, we hit a few rough patches that just needed smoothing over. And lots of grace and understanding.

I was raised in an entirely different home than my husband was. I was raised by two people with completely different personalities than my in-laws. I come from a broken home and lived many years out of a suitcase, never really calling any one place 'home'. I can't even remember what it was like to have both my mother and father living under the same roof. My husband and I's home lives growing up were as different as night and day. And that's O.K. It's shaped us both into the people we are today.

But here is what that has taught me: my in-laws raised the man who loves me and asked me to be his wife. They raised him with a fierce determination to learn and grow. They raised him in church, which enabled him to find a ministry he loves. They taught him skills like sewing, car repair, and carpentry that have saved us tons of money. They cared for him. They encouraged him. They nurtured him in a safe environment devoid of fear. They clothed him. They fed him. They took him to doctors appointments, dentist appointments and to the ER when his tooth was shot out by his brother's Airsoft gun. They let him spend summers in California where he met me. They let him build a computer, which allowed him to email me every day. They gave him every good quality he possesses today. They raised the man I call my dearest friend. And your husband's parents did the same for you.

I don't know if you get along with your in-laws. If you do, praise God! If you don't, maybe it's time to start re-evaluating your relationship with your husband's family.

Not sure where to begin?

Here's how you can start loving your in-laws better today:

1. Take on an attitude of gratitude.
If you're having problems with your in-laws, write a list of reasons why you're grateful to them. I'll help you out. The first one should be: raising your husband. The more reasons you list, the more grateful you'll be. You may have to think hard, but at the end of the day, these people were the first to love your husband and to invest in him. He is who is he because of them. Remember that on the hard days.

2. Let things go.
I don't know what types of problems you've encountered with your in-laws, but it's best to just leave them in the past. Where they belong. Move forward. Don't cling to something that happened five years ago. Accept that it happened, tell them how you felt if you need to, and then let it go. Remember: these people raised the man you love. It's not going to kill you to forgive them for that rude comment they made about how awful the dish you brought for dinner was.

3. Talk to them.
If there's one thing I know about my father-in-law, it's that he loves to talk about cars, motorcycles...basically anything with a motor. So, I ask him questions. Though I can't always understand the mechanics, because they sound foreign to me, I try to. And that's what's important. Try. Make an effort. Remember: these people raised the man you love. It's not going to kill you to take an interest in their interests.

4. Respect them.
They're family by marriage and in your life for good. You can't change that, so act like a daughter. Do kind things for them. Treat them with respect. If you respect your husband, you'll respect his loved ones even if they don't deserve it. It's simple as that.

5. Don't make him choose.
Your husband should never have to choose between his family and you. If I'm in the middle of something and Kelly wants to head over to his parents; house, I let him go. I don't mind that he spends time alone with his family. I'm not going to make him choose between fixing a car with his dad and watching me write a blog post. I'm going to let him go. Because I love him and I love how much he loves his family.

The best way to look at it is like this: One day in the future, hopefully many, many years from now, your in-laws won't be around. They won't be here anymore to love your husband, to spend time with him, to give him advice, to make him meals, and to remind him how far he's come since he was just a little guy who used to climb trees and scrape his knees. And they won't be here to love you, either.

Time is a fragile thing. Do your best to treat your in-laws well, even if they don't do the same for you. And encourage your husband to treat his family well, too. The best gift you can give your husband is your efforts to make sure his family and you get along and love each other.

Your Wife-Friend in Christ,
Jessica