Ruth's devotion to Naomi.
Hannah's grace.
Esther's character.
Elizabeth's patience.
Abigail's discernment.
Mary's strength.
I long to bottle up their best traits and become what I would deem "the perfect woman."
These women of the Bible have captured my heart and attention for many years. And I oftentimes gravitate toward their stories.
It would make my heart leap with joy if I could gather all these women in my living room for an afternoon. I'd serve coffee and sugar cookies and we'd talk--just be real--with one another.
I'm sure, like always, that I would be the 'talker' of the group.
"Esther, you were literally a part of the first Bachelor. Its a reality TV show in present day. Anyway, tell me word-for-word everything that went down during that time. How were you feeling? How did you win the king's heart? Tell it all! But first, let me get some popcorn."
"Elizabeth, your husband couldn't talk for nine months. Be honest, how much did you like being the only one able to speak? I would have so taken advantage of that. Go through the emotions of finding out you were pregnant after so many years not being able to conceive."
"Ruth, you were devoted and faithful to your mother-in-law. So much so that you left behind your home, your family and your traditions to follow her back to her home. And to her God. Tell me the story over again. From the beginning. How terrifying was it for you to leave everything behind and start over in a foreign land?"
Well, you get the point. I'd ask millions of questions about their stories. They would probably have to stay a full week at my house just so we could cover every topic.
All of these women had happy Bible endings. Ruth and Naomi found their kinsmen redeemer. Barren Hannah had several children after keeping her promise to God about Samuel. Elizabeth raised John the Baptist. Abigail saved her husband from a certain death, and then wed King David. And Mary gave birth to Jesus Christ.
These women have humble beginnings and impressive endings.
But then there's Michal, David's first wife.
While I doubt she would fit in with my afternoon coffee Bible ladies, she's the one woman whose story keeps me awake at night, replaying it over and over again. It always saddens me that she had such a promising beginning and a rough ending.
To save time, this is my paraphrased version of David and Michal: The Tragic Love Story.
Once upon a time, there was a very handsome Shepherd watching his father's flock when he rose to fame one day after defeating the biggest dude in all the land, aka Goliath. King Saul, seeing David's potential, refused to honor the hero as promised and so, through a couple of twists and turns, mostly Saul's betrayal, Michal (one of Saul's daughters) and David ended up married.
And they fell in love.
Their love was young and it was obvious Michal loved David deeply. The Bible even says so. She helped him escape her evil father by lying to him about David's whereabouts. When he realized this, Saul married her off to another man while David was on the run.
Fast forward some years. Michal and new hubby are happy. But David is now king and he hasn't forgotten his first wife (even though he's acquired a few more, including Abigail, one of my coffee Bible ladies). Michal is forced to leave her new hubby, who weeps as they take her away. O.K. how sweet must that man have been? He literally followed behind weeping! I think it's obvious to say that he loved her. And he probably was good to her.
Miserable that she's back to being David's wife, Michal bitterly resumes castle life. Interestingly enough, the Bible says Michal had 'no children'.
If you want to read the full story, here are the important passages:
The beginning: 1 Samuel 18-19
The return: 2 Samuel 3:13-15
The demise: 2 Samuel 6:16-23
Simply put: girlfriend is no longer in love with our guy David and she exhibits bouts of anger and bitterness. Directed mainly at David.
She's never mentioned again after insulting David's dancing before the LORD. David, on the other hand, is called a man after God's own heart. Sure, he goes on to make many mistakes, but his love for the LORD is evident throughout his life.
Michal, not so much.
So, why do I tell you about Michal? Because a lot of marriages end the way David and Michal's did. Two people completely pull apart and never make it back to one another. There are a lot of negative emotions on the wife's side. Broken promises. Betrayal. Hurt. Hatred. They all cloud this marriage.
There is no grace. There is no peace. There is no joy. There is no forgiveness.
Michal repelled her husband with her attitude, and its my understanding they lived as a divorced couple for the rest of their marriage.
I don't want my marriage to end this way and I'm sure it's not how you want yours to end either.
What can we learn about being a wife from Michal?
Mical's Mistakes:
1. Circumstances can't define your marriage attitude.
Michal was in a horrible position, much like Esther and Bathsheba. These women had no control over their futures. Every decision made for them was made by the men in their lives. And these men didn't always make wise choices. Having a positive attitude toward their husbands was not an easy feat. Two women made the most of their difficult situations; one did not. Esther went on to save her people and Bathsheba raised Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived.
You tell me, did their attitudes shape their marriages? My answer: absolutely! God honors obedient wives who choose joy over anger regardless of their situations. We can't always control our situations, but we can always control our attitude. Be positive. You just might make the history books!
2. You have to love God.
And fervently love Him! David and Michal had different attitudes toward God in the last days of their marriage. David went on to do great things after praising God openly for all the kingdom to see. Michal scoffed at his praise for God; she was forgotten.
Wives, praise God loudly and openly. Go on to be remembered as a faithful servant in spite of your limitations and circumstances. God does not promise an easy life--but rather one filled with changing seasons, both challenging and calm. If you 'love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength,' you may have a story that ends like Esther's or Hannah's.
3. Don't let marriage make you bitter; let it make you better.
Marriage is hard. There is no perfect marriage. Relationships go through seasons, as mentioned above. Don't let those seasons make you bitter. Let them make you stronger. Let them teach you how to love your husband the way God loves his children. With grace, peace, joy, mercy and forgiveness. For a marriage to work, these things have to be present. Pray daily that God strengthens you with these traits and that you don't lose sight of being a Godly wife.
The takeaway: Marriage is difficult. And you've married a sinning, flawed man. Don't let his shortcomings determine your attitude toward him. Instead, encourage your husband. Build him up. Earn a permanent place in his heart by avoiding Michal's mistakes. Your attitude will determine your ending. Make it a good one.
Your Wife-Friend in Christ,
Jessica
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