Those Flirty Ladies

I watched from a distance a couple of weeks ago as another woman laughed, giggled and flirted with my husband. Since my arrival in Small Town USA, watching this woman attempt to lure my husband's attention has become something of a past time.

Most of the time, I chuckle at her. My husband, bless him, has no idea she's flirting with him. He has no idea that she's throwing herself at him. In fact, he's so blind to it, most of the time he doesn't even look in her direction when she's obviously trying to charm him. I won't even delve into the million sneaky ways she attempts to touch him.

I probably should say something.

But I don't.

You're probably wondering why I don't pull her aside and explain to her she's being disrespectful to both me and her husband.

You're probably wondering why I don't tell my husband to avoid her at all costs.

Those are valid questions.

And they cross my mind every time I watch her sneak her way over to my husband with the sole purpose of stealing his attention.

But as someone who watched her father be lured away by a similar woman, I can confirm that no amount of demanding, explaining, or talking to will eradicate the situation. In fact, I oftentimes wonder if we pushed my father out the door demanding he act like the respectful, loving father and husband he claimed he was. Maybe things would have been different if we had tried to win him back to us with kind words and encouragement. What if we had truly loved him better instead of being angry?

No matter how much we demand, men are only human. And my short 25 years have taught me that a man will always be charmed by another's smile when his wife doesn't have one for him.

Instead of throwing a fit, I view this married woman as someone competing for my husband's attention and affection. I could go blue in the face trying to convince my husband he must love me for all the days of my life on this earth, but as someone who considers herself a marriage realist, let me just say that my husband won't always love bitter, angry, demanding me.

And could you blame him? That's not the woman he fell in love with.

He loves adventurous, carefree, laughing me. That's the me I hope to always be. That's the me I hope he sees the most of. That's the me I pray continually wins his heart over and over.

After we had been dating several months--which feels like 50 years ago--there was a young woman who came along and told my husband that she really liked him and wanted to start a relationship with him.

At this point, my husband and I were 1,500 miles apart and he really could have done anything he wanted. But he gently explained to her that a woman half the country away had his heart.

Friends, I hope to always have my husband's heart so that if we ever find ourselves in this situation again, he can loudly proclaim that it is me--not some other woman--who won his heart and has kept it.

Here's the bottom line: if there was ever a line crossed where I began to worry about my marriage, I would talk to my husband. I wouldn't grow bitter; I'd spend every waking moment proving to him that he married the right woman.

For now, I pray endlessly for my husband. For his heart. For protection. For the temptations this world throws at him. I encourage you to do the same. You don't know what the dark principalities of this world have planned to lure him away from your marriage. Satan will do everything in his power to destroy your marriage. Don't let him. Don't let bitterness open a door for Satan to enter your marriage.

When my husband blindly misses the desperate woman throwing herself at him, I just praise God. Because my marriage won't survive these flirty ladies if I'm not in constant prayer about my marriage.

Ladies, don't grow bitter or get angry when you find women behaving this way. Remember: you married a great catch! And if you want to keep your great catch, never stop dating him. Never stop pursing his heart. Your marriage just may depend on it one day!

What Biblical Leah Can Teach Us About Rejected Love

The story is quite tragic. 

A man who, with the help of his mother, tricks his father into blessing him instead of his older brother, flees his home and then falls in love with a beautiful woman. He makes a deal with her father--who happens to be his uncle--to work seven years for her hand in marriage. 

If you don't know what story I'm talking about yet, I'm talking about the Bible's scandalous love triangle between Jacob and sisters, Rachel and Leah.

Seven years come and go, though they seem like only "a few days" to Jacob because "of his love for [Rachel]." (Gen 29:20)

This man is laboring. For SEVEN years. For the hand of a beautiful woman. He's determined. He's hardworking. And he's clearly in love.

BUT, in an unexpected turn of events, Jacob finds himself deceived by his uncle and married to his older cousin, Leah.

Furious, Jacob confronts his uncle and strikes another deal to work seven more years for Rachel. 

At this point in the story, I'm sure most people feel for Rachel and Jacob. For two people who obviously love each other. Who have waited SEVEN YEARS to marry only to be denied that by Uncle Laban and Leah. 

But my heart aches for Leah. For her "weak eyes". For the pain that will surely follow this deception. Call me twisted or strange, but I can't shake the feeling of heartache for Leah.

Was she a pawn in her father's scheme? Or did she help hatch this plan? Did she truly love Jacob and want him for her own? Or did her father fill her head with promises and fantasies?

Either way, Leah no doubt took on the blame, the hurt, and the rejection from this situation. She carried the burden of her father's deceit and the role she played in keeping her husband from her sister. 

As the story progresses, we discover more about Leah in the midst of her heartbreaking situation.

My favorite part in the story enters in at Genesis 29:31. "When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive."

The part I always stop and linger on is the part where it says "the LORD saw." 

The LORD saw Leah.

The LORD was watching Leah.

The LORD loved Leah.

So, Leah conceives her first son and names him Reuben because the LORD saw her misery and she believed that a son would ensure Jacob's love for her.

But she does not receive Jacob's love. 

So, Leah conceives her second son and names him Simeon because God knew that she was not loved and blessed her with another child.

Even so, Jacob does not love his first wife.

So, Leah conceives her third son and names him Levi, hoping this son will somehow attach Jacob to her.

But this third child does not sway his feelings for her.

When Leah conceives her fourth son, she names him Judah and praises the LORD, because though her husband cannot see her, God does.

This is the part that I always ache at. Leah living in the shadow of Jacob's love for Rachel. And regardless of how their marriage began, Leah never does work her way into his heart. Even as the years press on and more children enter the picture, Jacob clearly loves Rachel. Rachel eventually dies during childbirth. And it's here that I can't help but wonder if Jacob finally noticed Leah after the passing of his one true love. Perhaps he did. Perhaps he did not. The story of Leah ends there. 

The tragedy of this story not only lies in the great love Jacob never had for Leah, it lies in the sibling rivalry that pitted two sisters against each other. One could conceive and one was loved. Leah wanted Jacob's love and Rachel wanted children. Each wanted what the other had. This sibling rivalry--or hatred--pours over into their children's lives. Joseph, Rachel's son, is later sold into slavery by his brothers. Thus continuing the cycle. 

But throughout the story, God constantly remains an ever-present overseer. He saw Leah. He loved Leah. He blessed Leah. God remembered Rachel. God opened Rachel's womb. God blessed Rachel. And his goodness is a great reminder that he sees us. Even in the midst of our hurt. Even in the midst of our rejections. Even in the midst of our heartbreaks.

God sees us. God loves us. 

None of us walk through life without the experience of rejected love. Maybe from a parent, a friend, or a spouse. We want to be desperately loved by someone and they never do love us in the way we want them to. But that does not mean we walk through life without love. Every single one of us is deserving of love. 

God sees us. God loves us. 

And that's what Leah's story can teach us. Though she never won the favor of her husband's love, she was always loved by her Creator who saw her when no one else did. 

And you, too, are loved and seen by the Creator of all things..

Your Husband's Success Depends On You

I remember the day I got married quite well. It was full of romance and promise. It is one of my fondest memories.

Sometimes, I like to sit with my coffee in the morning and day dream about walking toward my husband in that black tux. He looked so handsome. And his hand was so warm when he grabbed mine.

My favorite part was saying the vows. They were easy to say--almost too easy. 

"I do." 

And then life began.

The truth is that every marriage is different. Every marriage goes through different trials. And promising to love one another through the good and the bad is the easy part. It's sticking to the promise that makes or breaks marriages. 

What no one told me on the day I promised to walk beside my husband for as long as we both shall live, was that the moment he slipped that white gold band on my finger was the day he put all of his future successes into my hands. 

Every. Single. One. Of. Them.

His successes and his failures now rested in my very incapable hands. 

To put it mildly: I was clueless. I had no idea that my words, my actions, and my reactions to his every move would determine how high he would climb or fall in life. 

Thankfully, I asked God for wisdom and He delivered it. I made mistakes--I still make mistakes--but I'm a work-in-progress. 

I fail my husband from time-to-time, but I learn. I believe this is the part where so many wives fail. They fail because they don't understand that real love requires copious amounts of forgiveness and love. 

Love is not selfish. It cannot be selfish. Because love means that we care more about the other person than we do ourselves. It means that we respect one another. It means we build up instead of put down. It means that there is no hate, anger or bitterness, but rather love, respect, kindness, goodness and faithfulness. 

I've observed all types of marriages and I can say with certainty that the best of marriages have good friendships. They're built on a foundation of respect and communication. 

Because I know this, you will never be able to convince me that lust and passion sustain a marriage. Fighting. Rush of emotions. Hatred. The endless cycle of drama and hurt. Those things cannot be present in a lifelong relationship if we want it to last. 

They result in one thing: a tumultuous marriage that will, inevitably, implode. It will implode because men cannot peacefully live in a home where they are not respected and women cannot joyfully live in a home where they are not cherished.

I learned this fairly early on in my marriage. I learned that in order for my husband to have a happy home life--which will lead to successes in every other area of his life--I had to become a dear friend, a close confidante, a trusted business partner and a happy wife who spends her hours in overlooked labor so her husband can lead, succeed and dream big. 

So, how exactly have I mastered the art of helping my husband with his big--and small--successes?

Here are 3 simple rules to help you ensure your husband is successful:

1. Don't Put His Dreams Down

My husband is a big dreamer. He has shared many dreams with me over the years. Some we have chased together; others I have stood by and been supportive. Not all of my husband's dreams have come true, but I believe that my husband can do anything he sets his mind to. He has me, after all, to help him. Do you believe in your husband? If not, now is a good time to start investing in his dreams, even if they fizzle out. You just never know what he can accomplish when he has his most trusted adviser cheering him on.

2. Be Good To Him

If you treat your friends, coworkers and neighbors better than you treat your husband, chances are you have a very unhappy marriage. Your best should be given to the person who spends each night falling asleep beside you. The person who has been given the esteemed privilege of holding your hand as you walk through life, building a home and family together. Give your best to your husband; there will always be plenty left over to spill into others' lives. If you make it a priority to be good to your husband, you will welcome home a happy man every evening regardless of how cruel the world is to him. Remember: a man's home is his castle. So, be his queen. Stand strong beside him as he makes decisions. Cheer him on in his successes and help him make sense of his failures. 

3. Rid Your Marriage of Negativity

I'm sure you've been around a negative wife or two. Their favorite word is a resounding "NO!". I shake my head every time I hear a wife argue with her husband over something silly. I shake my head every time I watch a bitter wife chastise her husband's good intentions. I shake my head every time I see a controlling wife breaking her husband down. Wives, a broken man will never amount to anything. Your dreams to see him succeed will never come to pass. Instead of saying "NO!", try this simple phrase: "Honey, that sounds like an excellent idea." If he wants to use a chainsaw in your living room to trim the Christmas tree like my husband did a few weeks ago, LET. HIM. DO. IT. Don't nag him about possibly putting the chainsaw through the wall. Don't nag him about getting the blade a little too close to your beautiful hard wood floors. Those things are replaceable. Your husband's self-esteem is far too important to sweat the small stuff. Even if money is too tight to buy new floors or walls--even if you're in a foul mood--let him do it. I promise you that your husband's happiness is SO MUCH MORE important than having a flawless home. When people enter your home, they'll feel much more comfortable in a messy house filled with love than in a spotless house filled with turmoil.

Take it from me, ladies, your husband's success rests entirely on your shoulders. 

A good wife brings her husband "good, not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12

Your Wife Friend in Christ,

Jessica

Why Manipulation Won't Get You What You Want

timewarpwife.com

I used to be that wife. The one who nagged her husband incessantly, wishfully hoping he would selfishly abandon whatever plans God had for him for the day and stick to my agenda. My well-planned, well-thought out agenda. 

But I was destroying my marriage trying to control my husband. Because there is nothing worse in a Godly marriage than a wife who tries to control her husband. 

I say this with as much love and grace as I can muster: I have been there. It only took me six short months to learn this Bible truth, but your husband was not put on this earth to do YOUR bidding on YOUR time. 

He was put here for God's purpose. And a wife who pulls her husband away from God's work will end up going crazy. Take it from someone who knows: it will happen, give it time.

I have watched numerous wives give their husbands the cold shoulder, talk sternly and harshly in front of a group of people, and even throw temper-tantrums. My sweet husband can spot a manipulating, controlling wife a mile away. You could say I've trained him well because I rely on him daily to tell me if I am becoming anything like this woman. When he notices her from a distance, he always whispers, "I'm so glad you're not like that."

This past week, one of my wife acquaintances attempted to manipulate me into manipulating my husband into manipulating HER husband to do what she wanted. 

I was slightly shocked that she was using our friendship to get her way in her own marriage. But like I said earlier, a wife trying to control her husband will go crazy. 

Just look at Proverbs 14:1: "The wisest (knowledge; good judgment) of women builds her house, but folly (a lack of good sense; foolishness) with her own hands tears it down." 

If you are wanting for your husband's position, you're not building your home. Instead, you're destroying it. And a woman destroying her home will never be at peace.

I get this question all the time and it really drives me insane: "Well, you're his wife. Can't you just MAKE him do _______?" 

You can fill in that blank with: work longer hours, work shorter hours, give more, give less, do more for this ministry, do less for that ministry, spend more time at home, spend more time away from home, dress differently, show up 45 minutes early, pick up this brush pile for this friend of a friend, fix _____ (the list is truly endless on this one!), etc. 

They always look shocked when I direct all their pointed questions to my husband. He has a wonderful mind of his own and he has the ability to answer all of these questions on his own. I don't think for my husband. 

Can I just say that one more time? I don't think for my husband.

As I've studied it out, I've come to realize that people who are convinced I control my husband and can make him do whatever I want don't respect my marriage or theirs. 

Yes, my husband does listen to me. 

Yes, my husband will consider my point-of-view.

The secret to getting his attention on matters that are close to my heart is that I choose my moments wisely. I don't always have to get my way. 

In fact, I don't mind letting him have his way the majority of the time. It's far more important to me to have a peaceful home than to constantly be right. I choose peace. I choose joy. I choose to offer my husband a safe place to land after a long day out in the world working. And God has rewarded me greatly for this. He has given me wisdom, blessed my marriage, and has helped me map out a path for the wife I one day dream of being. Because like you, I, too, am a beautiful work of art.

It took me a little while to figure this out, but my husband is God's. He is not mine. I was created to help my husband; not control or manipulate him into doing my bidding. And friends, I'm so much happier when I let my husband lead and I take my role beside him as his life partner, friend, wife and, most importantly, greatest helper. 

Manipulating your husband won't get you what you want. Here's why:

1. Control in a marriage is ALWAYS unhealthy.

My husband and I don't control each other. We are both independent, headstrong, and smart. We also value our marriage and work well together. You could probably say our marriage loosely resembles a business partnership. We both highly respect the other, pull our own weight, and work together toward mutual goals and dreams. Control will only lead to heated arguments, long nights, and unhappy spouses.

Is your marriage worth throwing away because you want to control every aspect of your husband's life? 

If you answered 'no', then pray daily on this matter and watch God change your heart. 

If you answered 'yes', read the story of Esther in the Bible. When you are finished, ask yourself this: if my husband was the only person who could save my family and friends from an imminent death, would he listen to me? 

2. You were created to be a helper; not a leader.

God created man to take care of the earth. Read Genesis 1-2. Really look at what God created your husband for. Then, look at why He created you. You were created to be a helper. You are the best gift your husband has ever been given. Because only you possess all the traits needed to take care of his home, work out in the world helping financially (if you do), raise and nurture children, AND win his heart over and over daily. 

I think we so often misunderstand what 'submission' means. It's not about being a doormat. I come from a long line of very strong women who are the farthest things from doormats. Instead, I watch them serve their husbands out of love and respect. Because that's what submission is: it's about loving, respecting and helping your husband in such a way that he truly starts to adore and care for you in the way God always intended. 

Men are easy creatures to understand. They want your respect and adoration as their wife and the woman who won their heart. Give it to them. God knew this and that's why He makes it very clear in Scripture that your job is to be a help to your husband. Love him. Overlook his flaws. Pray for his spiritual walk. Never stop pursuing him. If you don't take anything else away from this: DON'T STOP PURSUING HIM. In doing so, you will accomplish the other three things listed.

I can guarantee you that another woman is standing in the background, waiting for you to slip up so she can slip in and steal his heart. That may not always be the case, but as a woman who has studied people her entire life, I can assure you that at one point in your marriage, you will experience this. Don't lose him because you don't want to give him your best. That's not an excuse to throw away your marriage.

3. You can't be successful if you're not doing it God's way.

I was raised by a woman who loved my father well. She probably didn't have the adoration thing down very well, but my mom is not interested in flattery. She did so much for my father before he left and I watched her day in and day out. She didn't control him. She didn't tell him he couldn't spend time with his friends. She cleaned his house. Did his laundry. Raised his children. And she also worked outside the home from time-to-time. 

My mother is the ultimate wife package. So, I was lucky enough to be raised by a woman who got it. But I know that other women haven't been raised with this example. And that's OK. You aren't your mother or whatever female example you had growing up. You are your own person and God has given you everything you need to be successful in this role. 

If you want to study out what God says is not a good wife and what he says is, read Proverbs. Read the whole book written by the wisest man who ever lived--outside of Jesus. Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. This dude had plenty of experience with women and as he's writing to Rehoboam, his son, telling him to run from adulterous, nagging, disrespectful, quarrelsome women and to search for a woman who is the complete package in Proverbs 31. A woman who will bring her husband "good, not harm" all the days of her life.

Ladies, I'm so serious when I say this: manipulating your husbands to get control will never make you happy. Your husband will either be a miserable man who is cold towards you and complains about you to everyone who listen or he will leave you. That's where your marriage is headed if you don't stop. You will either be a very unhappy wife or a woman who is desperately trying to make ends meet when he leaves you. 

Choose, today, to make your marriage the best that it can be. Like all relationships, each marriage has seasons. But remember to love your husband well--especially when he doesn't deserve it. Let him make the mistakes. Just let him. I've never met a man who's made the same mistake twice when he has an understanding wife who supports him through it all. 

You can begin by trusting God to lead your husband where he needs to go. And God can help you become more like the esteemed Proverbs 31 woman.

Your Wife-Friend in Christ,

Jessica

Why Marriage Still Matters

Divorce has become an epidemic in this nation. And I speak from experience when I say divorce is ruining our families.

Current statistics show that 50% of all marriages are likely to end in divorce. 

50%

 WHICH MEANS...

Every 1 in 2 marriages has a 100% chance of failing. 

Statistics aren't good. They're not good at all. If you have attended two weddings so far this year (and you probably have because June is the most popular month to wed), statistics say one of those marriages will end with a nasty split. One that will force the couple to divide those presents neatly wrapped on the wedding gift table and go on their separate ways.

It's sad to me. Is it sad to you? 

Recently, someone told me my marriage would fail because I got married at 22. At first I was shocked; but once I recovered from this person's brutal opinion, I began to see things more clearly: our society views marriage as something that it simply is not.

What Marriage Is Not:

1. It's not about getting your way. This may sound harsh, but marriage is not about finding a spouse who will spend the rest of their life letting you have your way. It's about compromise. If you want your way, get a dog. A spouse is a lifetime commitment that requires you to put someone else's needs above yours. ALWAYS. Don't complain; you said the words "for better or worse." Stick to your word and work through your selfishness. 

2. Indispensable. Things aren't working out the way you envisioned? Surprise, surprise. The fact that you thought it would be a fairy tale speaks mainly about your willingness to let Hollywood sell you false ideas about love. Marriage is not a fairy tale. It's a relationship. One that should be the most important thing in your life. The more you give to your marriage, the more likely it will resemble a friendship laced with romance and passion. Stop fooling yourself; the fairy tale NEVER ends well (ask a divorcee). If your aim is kindness, you'll create something far superior to the stories you see in movies. Don't throw your marriage away on something trivial. The grass is NOT greener on the other side (ask a divorcee).

3. Being happy. Your happiness in your marriage depends entirely on you. Your spouse is not responsible for 'keeping' you happy. It's an impossible feat. If you want a happy marriage, try getting involved in your spouse's passions. And practice kindness. I've never met a man or woman who complains about their 'nice' spouse. Seriously, kindness goes a long way. Practice it!

4. Control. I'm mainly speaking to my wife friends here, but I'm sure a few husbands could stand to learn a thing or two about control. STOP TRYING TO CONTROL. Seriously, just stop. I can't stand when a wife yells at her husband in front of me for ___________ (you fill in the blank). I'll give you some examples: spending money, coming home late, taking too long, spending money. I'm just being honest here: it makes YOU look bad. There is a time for expressing your feelings BUT it is not in front of other people. Also, most men understand that their jobs pay for bills (just like yours, if you work). Give them some credit. The men I know spending money are doing it to better their family's future. Control makes for two very miserable people. And let's face it: it's better to scrape by in a happy home than to live in a tense environment with mounds of gold. Sure, that BMW will keep you comfy on your way to work, but it doesn't sleep in the same bed as you every night.

The Takeway: MARRIAGE is not about YOU. 

So...why does marriage still matter?

IT MATTERS BECAUSE...

We can accomplish more in pairs.

My husband and I are far better together than we ever were apart. But our marriage takes work. We spend hours pouring over each other's passions. And kindness is a daily practice in our home. We fail, but when we set aside our false ideas about love and focus on this one Bible truth, God blesses us with more than we could ever imagine. 

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

The Nagging Epidemic

This is probably going to be one of those posts you wish I didn't write. Because it deals so heavily with our culture and the way marriage is presented in our society. It's one of those topics where I personally struggle. But being able to share this with other wives is the whole reason I'm writing this. My prayer is that this will strengthen your marriage.

I am not writing from a place of condemnation or judgment because I struggle with nagging my husband probably more often than I'd like to admit. Thankfully, I learned a very important lesson in my first year of marriage: my marriage is far more important than winning any argument. A peaceful home is better than being right.

This is going to be tough post to get through because it will challenge you in your wife role to hold your tongue when our culture says, "Tell it like it is." And it may even challenge you to change who you are at your core.

Listen, I know that not every wife nags. But I spend enough time around secular and church wives to know that this truly is an epidemic in our society. And it's not just out in the world. It's in our churches, too.

The definition of nag:

1. to annoy by persistent faultfinding, complaints, or demands; 2. to find fault or complain in an irritating, wearisome, or relentless manner

It's a pretty straightforward definition. Simply put: a nagging wife is one who relentlessly complains, demands and irritates. Woah! Talk about wake-up call! I don't know about you, but she is not the type of woman I want to be. In fact, she is the furthest thing from the wife I long to be.

I have witnessed the nagging wife and I have also been the nagging wife. She is easy to spot in a crowd. Her stiff body language and demanding tone are a sure sign that she's in her full force nagging mode. And, my dear wife friends, this woman a great embarrassment to her husband and family.

The truth is, I feel for her. I feel for the woman who wakes up early to start the day and still can't seem to get everything done that she needs to. I feel for the woman who spends her days working a full-time job and then comes home to her other full-time job: wife and motherhood. I feel for the woman who can't seem to get ahead of her laundry. I feel for the woman who sits by herself for a few moments and wonders what the point of all this is.

Because I am that woman. And my natural instinct is to nag my husband for help. I can't tell you how many times I have stood before him in tears and yelled, "HELP ME!"

I drown beneath the weight of my responsibilities so often. Let me type that again: I drown beneath the weight of my responsibilities. And I know you do, too.

I am married to a Command Man. If you're familiar with Debi Pearl's Created To Be A Helpmeet, then you know I married a man who refuses to take out the trash. It's who he is at his core and I can't change it, though I spent many months trying to in the earlier days of our marriage. I'm not the wife of a Mr. Steady who doesn't place a whole lot of responsibilities on his wife (honestly, I'm so jealous of you Mr. Steady wives!). Instead, I'm married to a man who is--and I mean this in the nicest way possible--extremely demanding of my time. So often I joke that I am my husband's personal assistant. But that is how he views me. And Biblically speaking, as a helpmeet, that's exactly what my job is. To assist him though this life with whatever he needs. But when that interferes with my ministry and my job outside the home, our home can quickly become a horrible place to be standing in. Because as the heart of my home, if I am troubled or stressed, then the balance of peace is gone. And my husband will end up listening to a nagging, ungrateful wife who doesn't have it all together.

Here's the thing: I pray endlessly that I'm a Proverbs 31 woman for my husband. And the more I pray about this woman I long to be, the more God helps shape my prayers. Instead of praying that I'm a good wife, I pray that I'm a wise wife who's eyes are always open to her faults, who loves with no bounds, and who encourages other wives to live out this Proverbs 31 truth.

But it's hard to be like this woman who is so highly regarded throughout Christian circles. Oftentimes, I'm not even close to measuring up. But I thank God that He opens my eyes and helps me see my faults.

If you turn on the T.V., you will most likely find a nagging wife gracing the screen. That's what our society says wives are. And they aren't wrong. We do nag. We do complain and we do demand. But we can change.

If you find yourself sucked into this nagging epidemic like I find myself so often, then maybe it's time to stop complaining and start thanking.

Laundry. Dishes. Paying bills. Errands. Carpool. The list is endless. But this list is the reminder that our homes are full of people we love with no bounds. These are some good days, my wife friends. Let's focus on this and not on how big our piles of laundry are.

Your Wife-Friend In Christ,
Jessica

An Open Letter to Husbands Everywhere

Dear Husbands,

I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Every day, you awake and head to a job that supports your family. Maybe you like your job, maybe you don't. Perhaps you spend 8 hours in an office or commuting or making house calls or working hard labor in rain, sun and snow.

Whatever your job, thank you for doing it 5- 6 days a week. You are a true man if you provide for your family in this way. You deserve a medal that states, "Your Name is a man of integrity, humility and courage who faithfully provides and cares for his family." Honestly, you deserve accolades and praise for your service to your family. And my prayer is that your wife acknowledges this.

Here's the thing, husbands: you work hard. Your job is difficult and stressful, even on the best days. Because your job is to provide spiritually, financially and emotionally for the people God has entrusted you with. And most days, it probably seems like an impossible feat.

Please don't take this as a slight against your gender or role, but I can most likely guarantee that your wife's job and role aren't as highly regarded to you as they ought to be.

Your wife's main role is this life is to be your best and most devoted helper. She takes care of the details--the minuscule things that slip your mind--so you can handle the big things. Her job, while not regarded as meaningful or worth praise in our society, is almost more important than yours. You see, she is the glue that holds your beautiful family together.

Take my husband for instance: the poor man can't even remember where he takes his shoes off. He will be eagerly roaming the house at 8:53 am in search of the size 12 work shoes that are no doubt in an obvious location.

"Honey?" he will call out perplexed.

"They're under the dining room table!" I'll holler back.

This, husbands, is a daily occurrence. One I would miss terribly if he weren't around. I am that in tune with his needs and the way his mind works.

Most of the time, I will take care of his needs before he realizes them. His shirt will be ironed before he gets out of the shower each morning. His dirty clothes washed and put away. An invoice sitting on his desk to be delivered. A new gallon of milk in the fridge. The lawn mowed and edged. A cold drink brought to his place of work on hot days. A warm meal awaiting his arrival home from work.

I live and breathe my wife role. And often times, I feel it goes unnoticed. By my husband and by the world.

Your wife's role calls her to give up her daily wants--and sometimes needs--to care for you. I can tell you it is her most fulfilling role. But over time, when you don't show your appreciation or gratitude because life is busy and you assume she knows she's valued though you never tell her, she'll start to resent her role. She will resent the role that society looks down upon. She will resent the role that others mock because they laugh at submission and esteem the nagging, independent women who control their husbands.

Dearest husbands, if you have a noble (distinguished, different, distinct) wife, know that she is worth more than rubies. Read Proverbs 31 to get an overview of her role. It will shed a ton of light on who she was created to be and how you can pray for her role.

If the world is telling her that her role is not worth much, it's of the utmost importance that YOU remind her how valuable she is. You don't have to do it every day, but once a week make a point to let her know you appreciate her.

Here are some ways you can do just that:

Take out the overflowing trash
Load or unload the dishwasher
Rub her shoulders
Tell her you appreciate her
Make her dinner (even if its just spaghetti!)
Remove all water bottles/dirty socks/plates or whatever you keep a collection of on your side of the bed
Sit on the couch and talk to her--really have a deep conversation
Call her on your lunch break to tell her you were thinking of her
Praise her--loudly--for all to hear
Speak to her kindly--in all circumstances
Hold her tight

Husbands, I know you are smart, hardworking fellas who love their families immensely. Your faithfulness is proof of your good works. Don't forget your wife works just as hard in her role. She will praise the Lord over and over when she has a husband who acknowledges her importance.

Husbands, you've got this!

Your Wife-Friend In Christ,
Jessica

When He Hurts Your Feelings

My feelings are not hurt very easily these days. Three years ago, it was an entirely different story. It would break my heart if someone hurt my feelings. Someone would do something that I would deem "terrible" and I would dwell on it in sadness, which would eventually turn into anger. It was a twisted game I would play in my head.

Then, something wonderful happened. I learned that other people's treatment of me is a product of who they are. Not who I am. Because how we treat one another is a direct reflection of our character. We own our actions; no one else does.

We all have the capacity to do some horrible things. We can wound with our words, our actions, and our choices. We wound behind closed doors and in the open. In front of others. Even in a church filled with Godly people who look down on it. Yes, even me on occasion. 

When someone treats me poorly, I don't view it as license to return the favor. In fact, I make it my mission in life to love and care for the people who intentionally try to wound me. Because if I do not, I will fall back into the trap of bitterness. And when I'm bitter and angry, I'm not loving selflessly. I'm not loving the way God wants me to. I'm not offering mercy and grace.

I've learned how to brush off the actions of others, but the truth is that when my husband hurts my feelings, it literally breaks my heart in two. It's probably because he doesn't do it that often. When he does, it feels like the end of the world. And I have a hard time giving him the love and care I extend to others in the same situation because I live with him. I'm in his constant presence. I don't get to step away from him and take a moment to recollect. 

Last week, my husband made a joke about how often I work outside our home in front of our guests. I immediately became defensive because I know how most people feel about it. They are very vocal in their beliefs about how I should be spending my days. And the last person I expected to bring it up or talk about it was my husband.

Here's the thing: my husband and I made a decision together that I would work part-time, help him run his business and take care of our home. So, it bothered me greatly. 

I crawled into bed that night going over the list. I clean, I cook, I grocery shop, I volunteer, I teach classes, I teach businesses how to use software, I just took over a Sunday School class at church, I blog, I write his website text, I do his books, I do taxes, I do bank runs, I do lunch runs, I do yard work, I paint, I keep both of our schedules in order, I take care of our finances and pay the bills without complaining.

Do you know what happened after I created that list? I gave his silly words power over me. I made a mountain out of a molehill. 

If anyone else in the world would have made a comment about how often I work outside my home, I would have cared less. Because I owe nobody an explanation for how my days are put to use. It was a different story when I felt the person I'm building a home with attacking me in front of others. I wasn't quite sure how to handle it. So, after reciting my list, I did the only thing I knew to do: I prayed.

"God, help me extend the same grace and kindness to my husband that I would to any other person."

And then something wonderful happened again. I realized that the reason I was hurt was because I didn't feel valued by my husband in front of others. His joke was harmless in his eyes but, to me, it was an attack on the work I partake in every day. And can I be honest in saying that the only thing my heart truly desires from my husband is to hear that I am his greatest helper and ally in this life?

Tears filled my eyes and my heart ached. Thankfully, God reminded me that my value comes directly from Him. Though I long to be dearly valued by my husband, I don't do all the things on my list for him. I don't get up early and go to bed late to accomplish every task because I enjoy doing it. I probably wouldn't do it just for my husband alone. That's why my work is done for the Lord.

That's when things were put into perspective.

My husband apologized profusely and explained what he had truly meant by his joke. It had just been a miscommunication. But he was already forgiven. Because I let my insecurities--what I believed my worth was in his eyes--get in the way of my purpose here.

The truth is, Satan will use any means necessary to destroy you. To steal your confidence. To convince you that you are worthless. And he may do it through your husband, in the form of him hurting your feelings.

In the lifetime you will spend together, your husband will hurt your feelings from time-to-time. It is those moments where you must remind yourself whom you serve and why you serve Him. There is no way that I can give my husband the very best of myself if I'm not walking in faith. And you won't be able to, either.

Its O.K. to be hurt. Its O.K. to be wounded. It's O.K. to acknowledge that you are human and flawed. But sometimes the greatest gift you can give yourself is mercy. Let him off the hook. Extend the grace God gives to you on a daily basis. Pray about it. Forgive him. When you do, you will find peace like a river. And that, my wife friend, will do your heart a world of good.

Your wife-friend in Christ,
Jessica

His Opinion of Your Beauty

I remember the night quite well. I was sitting around a table at Pizza Hut with several other people and my husband. Out of the blue, someone says very bluntly, "Jessi, since you've gotten married, you've really let yourself go."

I was stunned. The kind of stunned that left me speechless for the remainder of the night. I looked down at my jeans and sweatshirt. Then around the table. Everyone was wearing the exact same jean-and-sweatshirt combo I was. It was, after all, quite cold outside. And as I surveyed my cowboy boots, I wondered what in the world the person to my left was talking about.

My husband and I got into our car and I sighed. He asked what was wrong. 

"So-and-so said I've let myself go since we've gotten married."

Laughter. That's what soon filled our car. My husband laughing hysterically. 

"Why are you laughing?" I asked. "I'm bothered by this statement. I mean, I weigh less now than when we got married. My clothes are much nicer. I even do my hair before leaving the house every day. I don't understand it."

My husband scoffed. "Don't listen to him. You are more beautiful today than the day I married you." 

And because I know my husband cannot tell a lie to save his life, I knew that he meant what he said.

Here's the thing: sometimes people say cruel things. And though I was hurt by the comment, my husband's response soon made me realize that the world's view of me and my husband's are quite different. 

I never want my husband to stop telling me I'm beautiful. Because his opinion on my beauty--not the world's--means the most to me.

I too often believe that we allow the world to have the majority rule in our beauty. We allow the world to tell us that our jean size is too big or too small. We allow the world to tell us that our hair color isn't ideal. We allow the world to tell us that no one could love us unless we look perfect. 

But I've been married long enough now to know that my husband doesn't see my imperfections the way the world does. He doesn't notice the tooth that sits crooked in my mouth. He doesn't notice that I have one strange eyebrow that refuses to look like the other. And he doesn't notice that the top half of my body is a completely different size than the bottom half, which makes swimsuit shopping a nightmare.

Instead, he likes my smile and the way my eyes light up when I get excited. He likes that someday this body of mine will carry his children and then give birth to them. He doesn't see the imperfections. He just sees me. And I try every day to let his opinion on my beauty have the majority rule in my life. 

When your husband tells you you're beautiful, know that he truly means it. He did, after all, fall in love with you--your good and bad qualities. If anyone's opinion is going to matter, it should be his.

Your Wife-Friend in Christ,

Jessica

The In-Laws

When I started this series, I knew my posts would eventually lead me here. And I dreaded it. Because I don't feel that I'm really qualified to talk about this subject. But when God is leading you to do something, it's best to ask for guidance and wisdom and let Him do the rest.

Before I begin, I think it's important that you understand this post is not about bashing your husband's family. In fact, it's quite the opposite. If you're looking for a post telling you that you have every right to not show up for family holidays or invite your in-laws over for dinner, this isn't it.

This will be a post that:
1. Encourages you to love your in-laws wholeheartedly
2. Encourages you to treat your in-laws well
3. Encourages you to encourage your husband to do 1 & 2

My husband and I spent the 18 months we dated/courted 1,500 miles apart. We rarely saw each other. Simply put: I didn't know my in-laws when I traveled 1,500 miles to Oklahoma (with my husband, Mom and cat) and moved into their home for the first 2 weeks we lived here.

Looking back, I'm grateful that my in-laws were so gracious. They allowed my mother--who they had met only twice--to live with them as well. If that's not sacrificial love for their son, I honestly can't tell you what is.

Naturally, we hit a few rough patches that just needed smoothing over. And lots of grace and understanding.

I was raised in an entirely different home than my husband was. I was raised by two people with completely different personalities than my in-laws. I come from a broken home and lived many years out of a suitcase, never really calling any one place 'home'. I can't even remember what it was like to have both my mother and father living under the same roof. My husband and I's home lives growing up were as different as night and day. And that's O.K. It's shaped us both into the people we are today.

But here is what that has taught me: my in-laws raised the man who loves me and asked me to be his wife. They raised him with a fierce determination to learn and grow. They raised him in church, which enabled him to find a ministry he loves. They taught him skills like sewing, car repair, and carpentry that have saved us tons of money. They cared for him. They encouraged him. They nurtured him in a safe environment devoid of fear. They clothed him. They fed him. They took him to doctors appointments, dentist appointments and to the ER when his tooth was shot out by his brother's Airsoft gun. They let him spend summers in California where he met me. They let him build a computer, which allowed him to email me every day. They gave him every good quality he possesses today. They raised the man I call my dearest friend. And your husband's parents did the same for you.

I don't know if you get along with your in-laws. If you do, praise God! If you don't, maybe it's time to start re-evaluating your relationship with your husband's family.

Not sure where to begin?

Here's how you can start loving your in-laws better today:

1. Take on an attitude of gratitude.
If you're having problems with your in-laws, write a list of reasons why you're grateful to them. I'll help you out. The first one should be: raising your husband. The more reasons you list, the more grateful you'll be. You may have to think hard, but at the end of the day, these people were the first to love your husband and to invest in him. He is who is he because of them. Remember that on the hard days.

2. Let things go.
I don't know what types of problems you've encountered with your in-laws, but it's best to just leave them in the past. Where they belong. Move forward. Don't cling to something that happened five years ago. Accept that it happened, tell them how you felt if you need to, and then let it go. Remember: these people raised the man you love. It's not going to kill you to forgive them for that rude comment they made about how awful the dish you brought for dinner was.

3. Talk to them.
If there's one thing I know about my father-in-law, it's that he loves to talk about cars, motorcycles...basically anything with a motor. So, I ask him questions. Though I can't always understand the mechanics, because they sound foreign to me, I try to. And that's what's important. Try. Make an effort. Remember: these people raised the man you love. It's not going to kill you to take an interest in their interests.

4. Respect them.
They're family by marriage and in your life for good. You can't change that, so act like a daughter. Do kind things for them. Treat them with respect. If you respect your husband, you'll respect his loved ones even if they don't deserve it. It's simple as that.

5. Don't make him choose.
Your husband should never have to choose between his family and you. If I'm in the middle of something and Kelly wants to head over to his parents; house, I let him go. I don't mind that he spends time alone with his family. I'm not going to make him choose between fixing a car with his dad and watching me write a blog post. I'm going to let him go. Because I love him and I love how much he loves his family.

The best way to look at it is like this: One day in the future, hopefully many, many years from now, your in-laws won't be around. They won't be here anymore to love your husband, to spend time with him, to give him advice, to make him meals, and to remind him how far he's come since he was just a little guy who used to climb trees and scrape his knees. And they won't be here to love you, either.

Time is a fragile thing. Do your best to treat your in-laws well, even if they don't do the same for you. And encourage your husband to treat his family well, too. The best gift you can give your husband is your efforts to make sure his family and you get along and love each other.

Your Wife-Friend in Christ,
Jessica

A Letter to the Angry Wife

Dear Angry Wife,

I know that you're human. I know that you're tried. I know that you're wounded. Because I've been there. I have been the 'Angry Wife'.

I'm not sure what you're angry about. It's really none of my business. But I want you to know that I care about your marriage. I so deeply care about your union with your husband. And because I care so much, I felt led to write this letter to you.

You and I--we married flawed men. They have, and will, disappoint us because like us, they are only human. They will make mistakes. They will push us to our limits. Though they will try, they won't always meet our every need. They will, ultimately, fail us. 

Because they will fail us, we will spend a big part of our marriage forgiving these flawed creatures we share a home with. And we'll have to let things go more often than we really want to.

These sinners we have married are tasked with a hard job, just like ours. They are called to be leaders--to lead spiritually, physically, and financially. These tasks come with a great amount of responsibility. And stress. When he's stressed out, what he needs most is grace--not anger.

I don't know why you're angry. Maybe your husband is cheating on you. Maybe he's putting his needs above yours. Maybe he's mean. Maybe he's not as romantic as he once was. Maybe he expects more out of you than you can give. I don't know why you're angry, but I know that nothing can be resolved when you're angry.

An angry wife can destroy her marriage quickly. She can rob her household of peace and joy. She can force her husband to work late and get up early just to avoid her. Eventually, he will stop communicating with her altogether.

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires." James 1:19

You have a choice everyday. You can choose to be a joyful wife who overlooks her husband's shortcomings, or you can choose to be an angry wife who repels her husband.

Angry Wife, please don't ruin your marriage over his choices. Don't push him away when he needs you most. Offer grace, forgiveness and encouragement. I have never met a man who hasn't been charmed by his smiling, joyful wife.

Whatever you're angry about today, let it go. Hand it over to God. Start--right from this moment--choosing joy over anger. With your encouragement and love, your husband will slowly become the man you often pray he steps up to be.

Angry Wife become the Joyful Wife today and watch your marriage slowly restore itself.

Your Wife-Friend in Christ,

Jessica

How to Build Common Interest With Your Husband

When Kelly and I first got married, we only had a few things in common. Our faith, love of road trips, life goals, and many personality traits.

But our passions--writing and web development--were very different. Our different passions have always given us an independence from one another because I have no desire to code or program and he has no desire to sit down and spend hours playing with words on a screen or sheet of paper.

In our marriage, our separate passions have always been a great experience for us. We share practically everything and go practically everywhere together, but our desks sit on opposite sides of the house and we normally separate to work on our passions.

As the years have moved forward, God has strategically used our separate passions to pull us closer to one another. Oftentimes, Kelly has to send long emails or write text for his web clients. Though I love to write long and short stories, I'm more focused on blogging now. That means we have had to merge our two passions to accomplish similar goals. It's been a beautiful experience watching our passions seamlessly flow together. And I know only God could have planned for them to collide. He knew we would each need the other's talent to further our dreams.

Our passions have expanded now that we're older. We both love to teach. We both love to work with our hands. We both love to explore with the dogs--and alone. And we do it together.

The more my husband and I have in common, the deeper our conversations become and the sweeter life itself  becomes. When we are old and frail, we're probably spend the majority of our time reminiscing about all the hours we spent in Lowe's holding hands or our trips to different cities to explore. If we didn't have a strong friendship, we probably wouldn't enjoy the time we spent together as much as we do now.

The things you have in common with your husband are an important part of your marriage because as children, careers, and life come and go, your marriage will end the same way it began, with just the two of you. If you don't have similar interests, now's the time to start working on it.

How to build common interests with your husband:

1. Pick an interest of your husband's and then ask him to help you understand it better.
My husband is a marketing whiz. He really is! He can market anything well with enough time and resources. I think marketing is interesting and needed to learn more about it to teach a class. Kelly and I spent--and still do spend--hours sitting at my computer as he showed me the basics of internet marketing. I like learning from my husband and I'm glad I found an interest of his I enjoy learning about. He also enjoys sharing with me. Your husband will enjoy sharing his passion with you, too!

2. Cultivate interests together.
I am not an adventurous person by nature, but I try very hard to be for my husband. We explore cities, national parks, new restaurants, and activities. I--who am a self-professed hater of roller coasters--will even ride roller coasters for my husband. Yes, I will subject myself to an entire day of feeling like I'm going to throw up at any moment just for him. Because I know how much he loves amusement parks and it's just one day that I sacrifice for his bliss. I also usually get a nice dinner out of it, so it's worth it for me. As we explore new adventures together, we do find things we love to do together--and some things we don't like to do. We've discovered that we love to work on house projects together. We also love to garden and take the dogs for long hikes. We like going to the lake and miniature-golfing. We have found interests--together--that we enjoy doing with one another. It's all about trial-and-error.

3. Appreciate the time you have together.
Life is busy and the older you get, the busier it will become. Regardless of the activity, you should learn to enjoy the moments you get to spend together. Life--though it may appear long--is very short. And none of us ever really know when it will be over. So, hold hands and laugh a lot. If he wants to take you to some monster truck extravaganza, GO! Feel honored that as he wants YOU sitting beside him as he engages in one of his favorite activities.

Your Wife-Friend In Christ,
Jessica

When You Fail Him

I remember the first time I failed my husband. I was going through a period in my life where I woke up with anxiety almost every morning. My entire day would be spent in a state of constant anxiousness. 

At the time, we only had one car. And after a few mishaps driving our trusty old 1970 Ford Maverick, I could no longer handle the stress of driving it coupled with my anxiety. Breaking down in the middle of an intersection brought me to tears and my chest felt like someone was sitting on top of me. The only way I made it to my husband's work to pick him up was by the grace of God, and seven minutes of crying out in agony that God would get me to my destination before I had a complete meltdown.

It was at this point that my reliance on my husband was so demanding that I truly believe it made him resent me, though he would never admit it. 

I had a difficult time leaving the house. I had a difficult time going into stores and to church. I had a hard time just trying to exist. And he beared the weight of his wife's weakness quite well. But I could see it etched on his face every time I asked him if I could stay home from church because my anxiety was crippling:

He longed to have back the wife he married. 

The free-spirited, independent woman who captured his heart when he was just 15 years old. The loud, cheerful woman who happily kissed him goodbye every morning. The woman who loved to laugh and play. 

And to tell you the honest truth, I missed her as well. 

I was weak for the first time in my life, and I was failing my husband as his help meet. The guilt was almost too much to handle.

You and I are going to fail our husbands. When our weaknesses are on full display for our spouse to see, I believe that they will rise to the occasion. For how long? I'm not sure. I know that my husband would allow me to rely on him for my every need for the rest of his life if that's what I needed. My husband is fiercely loyal and noble. But I knew that I could not live that way anymore. I could not--and would not--be afraid.

So, I took action. I finally talked to my mom and told her everything that was going on. She recommended that I talk to our pastor's wife. I did and she suggested I journal daily. 

I tried for a few weeks, but found that I was having a difficult time doing so. I had spent my whole childhood and teenage years using Word to write practically everything. As much as I love writing, I can't do it with a pen and paper. My husband told me I should start blogging. Taking his suggestion to heart, I sat down at my computer and started this blog to document my journey. And I'm very happy to say that I have not experienced any anxiety since the day I decided to blog of God's goodness and faithfulness.

I'm going to fail my husband. And you will fail yours. But God constantly reminds me that he does not expect me to be perfect in my wife role. He knows better than I do that I will falter and will need forgiveness. As long as I begin each day with the desire to be a good help meet to my husband, God will never fail me in my role. He will always provide me with wisdom and opportunity. And, my dearest wife friend, he will do the same for you.

I'm so grateful that God filled the Bible with stories of women just like you and me. They have a beautiful desire to do good, they fail, they ask for forgiveness and guidance, and God changes their heart for the better.

Read one of my favorites, the Woman at the Well, here. 

When you fail him, remember that the words "I'm sorry" are the most powerful words in a marriage. Acknowledge your failure, ask God to give you the wisdom to not make the same mistake again, and trudge on!

Your marriage is worth fighting for!

Your Wife-Friend in Christ,

Jessica

Preparing For Marriage: Waiting For Mr. Right

You probably daydream about him all the time.

You wonder what color his hair will be. What color his eyes will be. Will he be tall or short? Will he be funny and kind? Or noble and brave?

If you're anything like me, then I'm sure you wonder what his name will be most of all. And, more importantly, what your last name will one day be.

Believe it or not, I already knew the name of my husband by the time I started daydreaming about marriage. I just didn't know he would be the man who would one day stand at an altar and wait for me, his bride, to walk towards him in her puffy white dress surrounded by family in an Italian-themed chapel near the Vegas strip.

But there he was. And I, escorted by the first man who ever loved me, walked toward him with so much happiness and excitement. That day is--and probably will always be--my favorite day.

Because he was worth the wait. Mr. Right was worth the every second I longed for him.

I know what it's like to wait and pray for your future husband. At times, it's a piece of cake and patience comes easily. Other times, I went kind of crazy and was determined to find this poor guy because he was taking forever. My searches never ended well for me.

It was during those crazy times that I started writing letters to my future husband. Every time I had a free moment, I'd write down a thought or two just to let him know I was anxiously anticipating the moment he would slip a ring on my left hand and ask me to be his forever.

After we got married, I presented these letters to my husband and warned him that I hadn't read any since taping them up and slipping them inside an old shoe box. But he sat there on the floor, surrounded by a pile of letters, and read every single one of them smiling the whole time. And it melted my heart.

Right now, you're on the other side of marriage. You're waiting for the right person to come along. And they will in due time. Can I just take this moment to reassure you that they will be worth the wait? Don't settle for Mr. Right Now. Don't settle for less than God's best.

The single most important decision you will make in your life will not be where you live or what career path you choose; it will be the man you marry. You don't want to marry someone who isn't going to be the best husband for you. Patience isn't always easy; but in the end, it will be worth every hour you spent waiting.

So, what do you do in the meantime while you're waiting for Mr. Right?

Enjoy the solitude!

Don't take this the wrong way; I love being married. But you can't be selfish in a marriage. You can't put your wants and needs above someone else's if you want your marriage to have any chance of lasting.

So, be selfish now. Take the time you're waiting and do things for yourself. Go on lots of adventures and read classic literature. Volunteer. Write. Explore. Learn how to play the guitar. When you get married, you'll still be able to do all of those things--but your time will be limited. Appreciate your singleness. It won't be that way--thankfully!--forever.

When your solitude does come to an end, you'll be grateful for the time you had to work on yourself--to be alone. As you grow into your marriage, you tend to lose a part of your identity. There's nothing wrong with that; you and your husband are supposed to become "one flesh". But you'll be grateful for the free time you had to find yourself, to go on your own adventures, and to ready yourself for marriage.

Enjoy this season! It will pass quickly and, before you know it, you'll be riding off into the sunset with your Prince Charming.

Your Wife-Friend in Christ,
Jessica